We have always been told not to dwell on the past. Looking back keeps us locked in a vicious cycle that only reminds us of our hurts. But, there is a difference between living in the past and glancing back in an effort to resolve issues that threaten a healthy future.

What is it about the past? It is a time that is finished forever. The reading of this sentence will be in the past in the next few seconds. It is not the immediate past that haunts our thoughts.

The main reason that we don’t constantly relive old events is the lack of clarity that it brings. It’s just like taking an original document and making a copy of it. Now, take that copy and run it through the machine and repeat this process over and over. Pretty soon you have an unrecognizable image that looks nothing like the original.

It is the same with our hurtful memories. Every time we reexamine them something changes. That adds to the frustration of the event. Nothing about the event will ever change but it always seems to appear worse with each thought.

Follow up:

Unfortunately, our lives are shaped by those events. And, if we never talk about them, they will continue to affect our future. The effects won’t be noticeable at first like a glaring neon sign saying, “I was picked on by bullies as a kid.” Instead, it’s like the small bits of sand that stay between our toes once we leave the beach. They continue to rub every now and again until all traces are removed.

If there seems to be a reoccurring theme in your life - lack of commitment in relationships, self-doubt, or the inability to finish things you start - the answer may lie between the pages of past memories. It’s not fun to reopen old wounds but you may find that they didn’t heal but were merely covered up so no one would notice.

One way you can slowly begin to move beyond these things in your past is to begin a journal. We all had to do some journal writing in high school. It is an effective tool for getting our emotions out of our heads and out into the open.

Write every day to begin and then as often as you need to. Include everything, both positive and negative. If old memories pop into your head, let them flow freely onto the page. Make peace with your past by writing down what frightened or angered you the most about hurtful events.

Talk to someone about any events that can’t be resolved. Sometimes we need a trusted friend or family member or even a stranger to help us over the final hurdle that frees us to live the future we were meant to have.

Dwelling on the past puts a false face on sad times. Taking an honest look at an old situation lets us see it for what it was and deal with the pain once and for all.

Submitted by:

Linda Allen
GirlfriendsCafe.com